porky challenge

I decided to join on my coworkers little game called porky challenge last week. The objective of the game is to lose weight. I was excited to join since I had been waiting for this kind of opportunity for me to get a support group in losing weight. I am always on a constant struggle about my weight. I was so skinny during my childhood however,started gaining weight when I was in 3rd grade up to now. My current weight..whooping 260 lbs and I only stand 5'2 1/2.

The registration fee cost me P500 and every week we have to weight in and if we gain a pound we will pay P50 per pound. I have a good start. I only ate 1 square meal (breakfast) and brought fruits in the office to be eaten the whole shift if I will be hungry. Then, I won't eat anymore when I go home.

Btw, my starting weight before the challenge is 258 lbs (Monday, Oct 1). Last Friday, I was so excited to see if I lose any weight because I felt good and so light which I haven't felt for a long time. So I went to the office clinic and see for myself. I did lose a pound and made me so happy that I decided to celebrate my birthday. hehehe. Initially, I was contemplating not to celebrate it because I need to save money for the renovation of my parent's dilapidated house and also it means I have to prepare delectable foods which are high on fats plus drinking alcohol which is equal to more calories and a busted diet.

Weekends came and I was drunk for 3 days in a row. Yesterday we weight in and I was not surprised when I hit 260 lbs. I was so disappointed and sad which made me ate more when I got home. I hate this hideous cycle. Whenever I am sad and not feeling well, I will eat till I feel like vomiting. P U T A N G I N A!!!

point black

Dark is the night
Shadows all over me
Time is ripe
Still virtue I can't see

Silence only left
Ice within me
Nothing I feel
Dead as i can be...

Summary

I missed you
That I was sure
I craved
But I failed

I longed
But I remained thirsty
Soon my throat draught
Swallowing was next to impossible

Fire subsided
Smoke had been long gone
Coldness only left
Made my heart to stone

No more magic
No more sweet music
Nor butterflies on my belly
Or twinkling stars on my eyes

Then I decided
I told
You caught surprised
Soon you realized

You cried
I sighed
Then I left
With goodbye...

love or hate?

I am swimming in the ambivalent waves of love and hate
Drowning on the barren dessert of your bode
Nothing grows only the bleak clouds hanging above my head
Ready to pour rain at any moment
You drive me mad with the unquenchable thirst you brought
Leaving my soul aflame with desire
Nothing soothed..
Nothing consoled..

for cupid

love are you for real?
or just sort of illusion
running on my mind

love why can't i feel you?
believe me i tried
but you are nowhere to be found

love oh love
can't you see im desperately ill?
I need you here by my side

love please stop hiding
I'm too tired chasing
my heart is already dying..

What if I'll put my lips to your lips?
Would you consider it as a kiss?

What if I'll caress your arms a little bit?
Would you jump into your feet?

What if I'll see your more than a friend?
Would you let me do what I pleased?

What if I'll love you more than what you expect?
Would you run and be scared?

What if I'll finally confessed?
Would you say "Oh no! you are weird! stay away from me please!"
or would you say "Oh sweet! what made you took so long!" instead?